On Writing

Why do I feel the need to be entirely alone--no lonely--when I write. I wrote so much more when I was in Utah--talk about lonely. If you want to be lonely move to eastern Utah for 365 days. It starts snowing in October and doesn't stop until late April!! Anyway, somehow in Hays I have put together a good life and have a few good friends--and for some reason I don't have the NEED to write like a did before. Although this is starting to change, I am feeling the excitment to write again, despite having just finished a book.

I'm just not sure what makes someone want to spend their life writing. Perhaps insecurity or some form of social awkwardness, but regardless of the cause, this is what I've chosen to do devote my life to. A life of lonliness, confined to a with nothing but pen, paper, computer, and books?? To most this sounds like the definition of boredom. To me, this is like living life a second time around. Hey, I know it's unlikely that anyone will ever truly know someone else, but writing provides an avenue not only into my derranged psyche, but also that of my friends--who seem to be the source of so much of my ficiton writing. I am obcessed with writing--hell, even reading books about writing better. Perhaps in a past life I was some monk in a lonely monestary with nothing to do but write about devotion to god.

It seems that creativity whether written, visual, or audio is something in the blood--some primal force that moves us; not only to create for ourselves but for others. I seem to have found a way to follow my obcession and get paid for it--sure there's other work that often gets in the way, but life as an historian has allowed me to follow this odd passion. Where did this passion come from? How did it develop? How did all of these words find thier way into my soul? Sometimes it just feels like there are so many words, so many stories and not enough time to write them all. So much passes into the hazy mists of history--past, memory, whatever. I have so much to say--like so many others--and fear that in the end no matter what, everything means nothing.

Indian Suicide

Sure, it's not a great topic, but one that shoudl be discussed. Dave, I think you're comments are right on. The damaging and destructive force in Indian Country remains colonization. The goal posts simply keep moving in Western culture. The acquisition of wealth remains a constant, but what consitutes wealth continues to shift. There was a time not to long ago when owning your own home was a sure sign of wealth--now it seems that if you don't have a McMansion in one of the nation's numerous gated communities, then you're on the verge of being destitute. How do people from a culture that places the communtiy over the individual compete in this environment? Leaving aside the numerous other problems facing the rez, the lack of economic opportunities within a reasonable distance keeps Indian people from fully taking part in western culture. That being said, western cultures have done a good job in eradicating traditional Indian culture and as such, modern Indians are left with almost no culture of their own. Dave, you were correct when you said that I'm not Indian (I wasn't offended, merely oversimplifying), but as a person of Indian heritage I have witnessed the aftermath of cultural destruction--see the personal note to yesterday's post.

I think the issue of Indian suicide is based on a number of factors--we've talked about many. Today, Indian Country Today ran an article stating the Indian Health Service is seeking to eliminate the health care discrepencies in Indian Country. To that end, Congress has appropriated $5 million for "suicide prevention." Isn't that just wonderfully American?? Here's an issue we don't really know what to do with--may as well throw some money at it. Hey, I'm not saying the money won't help, but until we understand the causes of Indian suicide (which are different than the causes in white soceity) we can't really prevent it. The real problem is that the causes of suicide are so numerous when one lives on a rez that I feel there isn't an amount of money in the world that can truly "fix" the problem.

To end on a lighter note--the Royals took 2 of 3 from my Red Sox. In obsessed baseball fan culture, this is a reason to kill oneself--see the reasons are far too numerous. (Clearly this last section is a joke, but I thought I'd better put this in before some of you jump all over me for taking the topic of suicide lightly--that is in no way the case)

Job and Work

I don't want to use this a space to simply bitch and moan, but...In all seriousness, my job keeps getting in the way of my work. I want to research/write and things that interest me, but my damn job keeps getting in the way. Currently, I'm working with two members of the psychology department on an article examining American Indian suicide on the central plains (ND to TX). The topic is great, and pouring through the information has made me realize a number of things. The suicide rate for Indians is amazingly high (2.5 times the national average) and the way the situation is treated simply compounds the problem. The Indian Helath Service treats suicide like a number of other rez issues (alcholism and homicide). Only recently has the IHS turned its attention to the issue of suicide. In their treatment, they have focused on those suicides that are related to alcohol. However, I contend that the majority of Indian suicides are directly related to the "problem" of colonization. The impact of the destruction of culture (Dave, your comments to the last post were so on point it made me think of this) and the overlaying of another, alien, culture has cycled Indian people into a situation were suicide becomes nearly acceptable. A recent article in the NY Times (5/14/07)looked at suicide among Alaska Natives and found that in the past (before colonization) Alaska natives knew almost no incidences of suicide--since contact, the rate has gone up steaily. Why? Here's an idea--the cutlural genocide faced by Indian people has more far reaching consequences than the actual genocide prepetrated against Indians (say in the 19th century). The destruction of cultural norms and traditions still continues to this day and drives Indian people to a number of self-destructive behaviors. And yet, there is more to the reasons of why Indian people commit suicide. Like the IHS, merely arguing for what I have termed cultural genocide creates a black and white where none exists--rather than an "or problem" suicide seems to an "and problem" by which I mean that there seem to be so many deficits to living on reservations that they are nearly insurmountable (poor education, health care, nutrition, etc).

On a personal note, my great grandma (who went to Carlisle) complained about the state of Indian reservations until the day she died. It was only time she ever talked about her Indian heritage--after Carlisle she hated who and what she was. But she worked with a number of early 20th century "friends of the Indians" organization to help aleviate the condition of rez Indians. I find it disgusting that she was working on the same problems that Indians living on reservations confront today. Here was a woman who hated everything about being an Indian and yet found it in her heart to correct what she saw a gross injustice--this is far more closely related to my first post. The injustices that Indian people still face must be made known. As an historian, I was taught that Indians were active participants in their own fates--this is true, BUT in the 21st century when people live in some of the poorest, most isolated, economically unsustainable regions of the country, a case can be made for victimization.

Some thoughts on Michael Vick

In case you haven't heard, or don't care, Michael Vick (QB of the Atlanta Falcons) has been indicted on federal dog fighting charges. Now I know that this is a tangent from yesterday's post, but those of you who know me well know that I like animals far more than people. So when someone with the pubic persona of Vick becomes involved in something like this I feel compelled to voice my opinion. I understand "guilty until proven innocent," but the court of law and the court of public opinion are two very different things. At this point, there's seems to be evidence that Vick was personally involved in the execution of 12 dogs that did not perform up to standards (yuk!). So now the question becomes, "what should the NFL do!" Here's my two-cents--Vick should be suspended without pay for the duration of the indictment. Meaning that as long as he is under indictment, he can't play or be paid. When the indictment turns into charges or Vick is cleared, the NFL should then reevaluate. If the evidence proves Vick was involved with this heinous crime then he goes to jail and the NFL has no options. If he is cleared then all he forfeited was money (far less valuable than his personal freedoms I should think). A business as concerned with image as the NFL seems to be must take some kind of action. There was no precedent when the Commish suspended Pac-Man Jones for the shooting at the Vegas strip-club. Well, I contend that the Commish's actions in the Pac-Man incident have now become the precedent. Let's see if Goodale will use the precedent on the face of the Atlanta Falcons--for me, that's not good enough if Vick is guilty.

Academic History

I hate academic history!! That seems odd coming from someone who has chosen to spend their entire career wading in the waters of history in the academy. I am truly at a crossroads in my early career and feel the pull of more "narrative nonfiction" than academic history. This would put me in the same catagory as those journalists who tred all over our fine discipline. I know that some look down on journalists writing history, but at least their works are readable. So much of modern academic history is theory, jargon, and other psuedo-political tripe that masquerades as academic. Are we (historians) so far removed from what once brought us to this discipline that we can no longer talk to the average man on the street (whatever that means)? What has truly re-lit a fire under me has been the work I've done with Still Spring Productions of Hiawatha Diary. Bringing my work to the larger public--rather than the 10 other PhDs who find academic interest in my topic--has given birth to an unusual feeling in me--optimism! I really believe that if people understand and are exposed to the trials and tribulations facing American Indian people both now and historically, then the idea of the invisible Indian will pass from this nation. Nathan, this is entirely your fault. Without realizing it, you've inspried me once again--your dissertation and the concept of average white people not even seeing Indians has prompted this rethinking of my role as an historian, an Indian, and a human being. Thus, I have a new goal for my writing--to make sure that never again, will Indians be an invisible group in this country! My academic colleagues will scoff, but I believe that my work will have a higher purpose.

First Post

I've been thinking about doing this for some time. Not sure how into this I am, but I'm willing to give this a try.